Well even the President of the United States had to weigh in on the sensitivities of some people to the Washington Redskins name. In a twist of irony, it became a common joke last week that they should in fact change their name and remove the â€œWashingtonâ€ part to prevent further embarrassment. While I am usually the paragon of political correctness, sometimes I just wish that people would lighten up a bit. After all, thatâ€™s not the only team name that is offensive to someone. Of a total of 32 professional football teams, exactly 0% of them are totally non-offensive. Anyway, isnâ€™t half of the team effort supposed to be an offense? Look at these travesties of morality and sensitivities:
- Baltimore Ravens â€“ Scary Hitchcock blackbird images â€œâ€¦ run home children! Your playground at school is not safe.â€ Parents, arenâ€™t you offended by this?
- Cincinnati Bengals â€“ Carnivores! Offensive to vegetarians.
- Cleveland Browns â€“ Just Nasty! Are opponents supposed to be afraid of the stains on their uniforms?
- Pittsburgh Steelers â€“ Illegal! Not to mention that it is misspelledâ€¦ offensive to grammarians. Donâ€™t call them the Thieves either.
- Houston Texans â€“ Oooh how original! What state are you from again? Rename it just because it is offensive to people with half a brain and an ounce of creativity.
- Indianapolis Colts â€“ Offensive to the gun control crowd! Probably better than the Glocks or the Uzis, but still offensive.
- Jacksonville Jaguars â€“ Pretentious! Offensive to other auto makers that can build cars that are engineered not to leak oil.
- Tennessee Titans â€“ Offensive to women because of the feeble reference to female breasts. How about just calling them the Hootersâ€¦ no, thatâ€™s offensive to environmentalists.
- Buffalo Bills â€“ A money reference? How much more expensive is it going to get to go to a damn football game? Donâ€™t remind me!
- Miami Dolphins â€“ May be offensive to tuna fishermen that get blamed for stupid aquatic mammals that think that they are a fish and are too stupid to stay out of nets.
- New England Patriots â€“ Offensive to our British allies. Yes we kicked their butts in the Revolutionary War, but that was over 200 years ago. Get over yourselves.
- NY Jets â€“ Is this a football team or a Jacuzzi? This is offensive to people who can only afford to take showers.
- Denver Broncos â€“ Offensive to chronic cough sufferers who cannot get any more over-prescribed antibiotics from their doctors.
- Kansas City Chiefs â€“ I see what you did there. The arrowhead isnâ€™t supposed to be a tipoff that it is really about Native Americans. Offensive! Change it! And not to Braves!
- Oakland Raiders â€“ The connotation of plundering is offensive, not to mention illegal except with regard to the spoils of war. Anti-war pacifists will also object. Â Â
- San Diego Chargers â€“ May be offensive to opponents of capital punishment by electrocution. Those lightning bolts donâ€™t fool anyone. And donâ€™t change it to Gas Chambers or Firing Squads either.
- Chicago Bears â€“ Probably offensive to Wall Street Bulls and highly pessimistic about the stock market and the economy.
- Detroit Lions â€“ Offensive to your players. The male lion is known for copulating twenty to forty times a day for several days, often forgoing eating, and then killing the cubs when they are born.
- Green Bay Packers â€“ Offensive to road warriors who travel all the time. Canâ€™t we enjoy a football game on the weekend without being reminded to pack for next week?
- Minnesota Vikings â€“ Offensive to Swedish immigrants by using the Norwegian reference. I donâ€™t care what Garrison Keillor saysâ€¦ Lutherans are Lutherans.
- Atlanta Falcons â€“ Offensive to Northerners. Logo is a veiled reference to the Phoenix rising from ashes, a.k.a. â€œThe South Will Rise Again.â€
- Carolina Panthers â€“ Offensive to white people.
- New Orleans Saints â€“ Offensive to non-Christians
- Tampa Bay Buccaneers â€“ Offensive to law abiding citizens. Piracy is illegal and this flaunts illegal behavior.
- Dallas Cowboys â€“ Offensive to PETA and others who are animal rights activists. And be careful about using rodeo clowns tooâ€¦ that would be racist.
- NY Giants â€“ Offensive to parents wanting to protect children from scary bedtime stories. No, never mindâ€¦ the Giants arenâ€™t that scary this year. But dammit they donâ€™t play in NY! At least change that part of the name.
- Philadelphia Eagles â€“ May be offensive to dog loversâ€¦ donâ€™t get me started.Â
- Arizona Cardinals â€“ Offensive to non-Catholics.
- San Francisco 49ers â€“ Offensive to Millennials and Boomers. What does age have to do with football? You wouldnâ€™t call them the Kids or the Geezers.
- Seattle Seahawks â€“ Offensive to ornithologists. There is no such bird as a â€œSeahawkâ€ and the term is usually referring to the Osprey, Pandion haliaetus, or â€œsea hawkâ€ (two words).Â
- St. Louis Rams â€“ Offensive to private citizens fearful of Big Brother beating down their door after a call was overheard by the NSA complaining about the government.
So are you still reading this? Get a life! Go read a book… or watch a football game.
Image credit: lightvision / 123RF Stock Photo